From my Kitchen Table

From here to monotony ? 

I suppose it was only a matter of time before we were once again subjected to brand Brippa! Ah yes, last week model turned wife turned reality show harpie turned  mum-to- be, the gorgeous Pippa O’Connor announced herself and hubby Brian Ormond were ‘in talks about filming another TV show.’ No doubt the sequel to last year’s snore-fest, ‘Brian and Pippa Get Married.’

  “It makes sense after the show about the wedding,” the 27-year-old cooed to some showbiz hack. Er, no, it does not make sense dear; what it does make however is car crash telly

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From here to monotony? 

I suppose it was only a matter of time before we were once again subjected to brand Brippa! Ah yes, last week model turned wife turned reality show harpie turned  mum-to- be, the gorgeous Pippa O’Connor announced herself and hubby Brian Ormond were ‘in talks about filming another TV show.’ No doubt the sequel to last year’s snore-fest, ‘Brian and Pippa Get Married.’

  “It makes sense after the show about the wedding,” the 27-year-old cooed to some showbiz hack. Er, no, it does not make sense dear; what it does make however is car crash telly to be viewed by those whose lives are so boring they have to turn on the box to watch others cash in on their pregnancy. Kerr Ching!

  Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against the Ormonds – they appear to be a nice, happy, friendly, and I would have thought, sensible couple. So that’s why I have to ask why they see fit to join the ranks of those nauseating small screen junkies who also manage to appear on every celebrity magazine cover vomiting up details of their below average existence to slavering TV license payers like me, manipulating us with one distressing spectacle after another. 

  I mean, what possesses celebrities to take part in these rubber neck disasters anyway?  Do they not understand when they base their careers on self-revelation and self-promotion  – where the emphasis on being famous for fame’s sake has managed to triumph over being famous for having an overwhelming talent – is simply guaranteeing them a ticket on the last ride to the fiery pits of flaming hell?

  Yet, like it or loath it, there is a market for programme-makers to target a selection of  talentless hacks who would otherwise wander aimlessly through life were it not for savvy production companies who manage to go on to create a tsunami of mediocrity. I mean, we all remember poor, misguided Kerry Katona struggling to retain her dignity as viewers followed her through every step of her relationship with back-up hubby Mark Croft and her tattered dreams of happily ever after.

  And, yes, while I am all for making hay as the sun shines and I totally understand that perhaps Mrs O needs the spondulicks, she would be wise to remember what is at stake here. You see, darling, take it from me, once you bare that bump on national telly you’ll have every eejit coming up to you on the street to rub your belly because now viewers believe they’ve got a free pass to feel you up; not to mention the hassle you’ll get  about choosing the rugrat’s name. And, do you really want to showcase your stupidity to the nation because, believe me, once that blue line appeared on the pregnancy test, your brain began to shrink – making you unable to focus on even the most simple of tasks.

  It’s just my opinion but I fear playing out something as personal as your first pregnancy in the public eye is bound to set anyone on the inevitable slide into awfulness. Remember, even if somebody in la la land tells you it’s a money-making, fool-proof, no-brainer to spew publicly about your stretch marks, nursing bras and post-partum blues to all and sundr, what they don’t tell you is nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool. 

  Ah, sure it just goes to show you ladies,  while love is all about losing your appetite, marriage and pregnancy are all about losing your figure and, in some cases, your mind. Just because the tale starts with ‘once upon a time’ it doesn’t always mean it will end in ‘happily ever after.’

Roscommon People

Issue: 16th November 2012