Following the recent passing of his beloved wife Carol, our columnist Frank Brandon pays tribute to the ‘unbelievable kindness’ shown to his family at their time of grief…
Perception is a peculiar thing. It is only when you experience something yourself that you can know if your original perception was right or wrong.
For me, I have long known about the Hospice Foundation and have had an idea about the great work they do; any time I was asked, I would make a donation. But over the last week or two, my perception of the Hospice movement has changed totally. Now I am totally in awe of all they do to help mostly very sick people.
A couple of weeks ago, I brought my wife Carol down to Castlebar Hospice, for what we thought would be a few days treatment, after which we would be bringing her home. Sadly, she never made it home and passed away in the Hospice on Saturday night, October 26th.
From the moment we arrived, there was nothing they wouldn’t do for Carol – and indeed for all of us. The wonderful care they gave her was absolutely first class. Everyone was so attentive, so sympathetic, and so caring, and I couldn’t speak highly enough of all the staff. They were so compassionate and empathetic that I believe they must all have been hand-picked, because their devotion to their profession was something to behold.
On top of all that, we as a family were made to feel so welcome that it never felt like being in a hospital set-up at all, and everything was laid on for us. Even though Carol was in her last few days, she was totally at ease almost right up to her last breath.
And so, despite it all ending so sadly for us, I can honestly say that I never knew the Hospice could be such a welcoming and amazing place. As well as the wonderful staff, the facility itself was an absolute credit, with beautiful rooms for the patients and a superb canteen where we could partake of the superb food. On two occasions, Carol was even able to actually join us while we ate.
And so, the original perception that I had of the Hospice Foundation, while acknowledging the good work they do, was way off the mark – I really had no idea of the extent of the care that they provided for the patients and their families and I have to sincerely express our total gratitude to all who helped to make Carol’s final days so comfortable. I know that none of us want to have to put any of our loved ones into a Hospice, but I can assure you that after our experience, they couldn’t be in a better place.
So grateful for community support
It’s Monday evening as I write, nine days since I lost my beloved wife Carol, and I am reflecting on an event that we already know will sadly change all of my family’s lives forever.
However, in the midst of all the sadness and grief, there were several happenings for which we will be eternally grateful. Chief among them was the overwhelming support we received from our neighbours, friends, and the local community.
I had always heard it said that Irish people rallied round when someone was in trouble, but I really don’t think we were prepared for the unbelievable kindness and generosity we were shown by everyone. From the time the news of Carol’s passing broke, the number of friends, neighbours and relatives arriving at the door with tray upon tray of beautiful sandwiches, pots of soup, dinners, every kind of goodie imaginable and even an odd drop of the quare stuff, along with offers of help, was extraordinary. We cannot thank them enough for their unwavering support.
So many people came with food offerings that we lost total track of who brought what, and there are loads of trays, plates and heating dishes in our house that certainly don’t belong to us. So don’t be shy, call over some time and we will be delighted to give you back your belongings.
On Monday evening of last week, so many people queued at Smyth’s Funeral Home to pay their respects that we were a bit overawed by it all. The ceremony on the Tuesday, performed by our own PP, Fr Donal Morris, was really beautiful, and was made even more special by the fabulous musical performance of my good friend, the wonderful singer Annette Griffin, who was accompanied on the guitar and keyboard by John Staunton.
I don’t deny that I was quite stressed by everything that was going on, but Pat Smyth of Smyth’s Undertakers literally took care of everything, for which I can’t thank him enough.
And yet again my local neighbours came up trumps when they helped Brian O’Rourke, who did a really lovely job, with the closing and tidying up of the grave.
After all that, we adjourned to Mikeen’s, where the excellent local Maloney lads (Delicious Catering) supplied a superb dinner to us all. And, as Carol wanted, we celebrated her life for a few hours with family and friends.
Since then, there have been many messages of condolence posted on RIP.ie, while a large number of people have gone to the trouble of sending Mass Cards and letters of sympathy to our house.
This is not our official thank you to everyone, but just my reflection on the week that was. There are so many others to thank – including doctors, nurses, Creggs GAA and rugby clubs, and loads of individuals – who performed miracles to get to Carol’s funeral – and we will hopefully get to acknowledge everyone at a later date. But for now, at time of writing nine tough days (and nights) later, we are just so grateful to you all. You have helped to make our suffering a little more bearable.
