What an incredible week!
Week? What an incredible WEEKEND!
I know! It really took its toll on me!
Why so?
Well, I’m still not over that stunning defeat…
Okay…
I honestly thought we’d get over the line… but then I guess we were too confident!
Yeah, but you can never be sure with referendums… and I’m interested to hear you were a ‘Yes Yes’ man…
Referendums? I’m talking about the rugby! What a disaster!
Oh, that! Well the best thing for us to do is to beat Scotland and claim the title – again!
Yes, Yes!
(They pause to check if any more Fianna Fáil big-hitters have come out as No voters)
Speaking of sport, next we had that amazing battle between blue and red…
Wales v France, a classic!
No! Liverpool v Manchester City!
Oh yeah, a great game…
Unfortunately, Shane Lowry didn’t win on the PGA tour, after being well placed…
Yeah, but he came third, and he was well placed the previous week too, so Shane’s doing well! He’s back in the world’s top 50!
AND he had a pint in Knockcroghery recently, which is a distinction that Scottie Scheffler cannot claim!
(They pause to ring the three publicans in Knockcroghery, just to check if golf’s current world number 1 has been in lately)
Anyways, the weekend was exciting on the sports’ front… our friends in Galway even managed to win comfortably after having three men sent off!
Maroon magic!
Then we move on to Monday… and those egomaniacs with their cringe-worthy speeches!
Ah now, I love the Oscars’ ceremony…
Not the Oscars! I’m referring to Government politicians trying to explain away the referendums’ result!
Oh, sorry! Speaking of the Oscars, our man did great! Cillian Murphy is an Oscar winner!
Brilliant! What an era for Irish acting! How these guys can captivate the public by adopting strange personas…
We’re not back on the politicians, are we?
No!
Just checking…
(They pause to discuss their secret plans for a new political party)
Then we had Lisagate…
Huh?
Senator Lisa Chambers… she campaigned for a Yes vote, but voted NO!
Oh yeah! She wasn’t the only one either…
ONLY IN IRELAND!
Finally, Kate Middleton, or should I say the Princess of Wales…
Yeah, she edited/photoshopped a photo of her and her kids…
You know, I think the Editor photoshopped that caricature of us that appears with this column…
Of course he did! He did it to give us more gravitas! That’s why we look so distinguished!
YES, YES!
