You’re saying the Taoiseach wrote to… YOU?!
Yes! A letter from the office of An Taoiseach!
Hah! From the OFFICE of An Taoiseach! So NOT personal correspondence!
Actually, my cynical friend, it’s made very clear in the letter that the issues I raised were brought to Deputy Martin’s personal attention!
Huh! By the way, I thought you wrote to the Taoiseach in December… he wasn’t in any hurry to reply to you! Just shows you’re not on his radar! All your waffle about having political contacts at the highest level!
Well, the reply was delayed because there was a slight… diplomatic matter.
Huh?
When I sent the letter off before Christmas, I wasn’t sure if the new Taoiseach would be Mr Martin or Mr Harris, so I wrote ‘To Whom It May Concern’… I think Deputy Martin might have been put out by that!
Oh dear!
(They pause to watch Celtic’s fantastic performance against Bayern Munich)
So, what were these issues you raised with the Taoiseach?
My advice on how to solve the housing crisis…
Yes…
And I asked if he’d personally intervene in the plastic caps/lids debacle!
Oh dear! No doubt some eye-rolling intern fired off a standard reply to you…
The letter CLEARLY states that Deputy Martin was pleased to hear from me and that he’s giving careful consideration to the issues I raised…
So what’s next? You might as well write to President Trump while you’re at it!
AGAIN?
What do you mean?
I’m gone mad writing letters to people in power. I’ve already written to Mr Trump, advising him that I have relations in Clare – which I do – and that I’m an established columnist with a much-loved community newspaper… who would be, er, favourably disposed towards him if he could grant me an interview when he inevitably visits Doonbeg.
YOU HAVEN’T!
I even suggested myself and Davy Fitzgerald could play himself and vice-president Vance in a game of golf!
Huh! You’ll be waiting a long time for a reply from the White House…
Not so! I received an official reply… from the office of the President! He’s acknowledged my letter. The president’s schedule is “under constant review”. They’ll get back to me…
Oh let’s go for a pint before this gets any more ridiculous…
Give me two minutes. I’m just finishing a letter to the main man…
Who now? THE POPE? Here, let me get you the address. Vati…
Don’t be so sarcastic! I’m writing to Michael Healy-Rae on the plastic bottle caps, they reckon he’ll be in charge of the country in March when the rest of the ministers are all gone abroad for St Patrick’s Day!
