After many hours’ careful consideration (and scribbling on beer mats), the Barstool Boyos – tongues firmly in cheek – have come up with the first (Editor: ‘… and probably last’) Boyos’ annual awards. This is a heavily edited transcript of their late-night ramblings. We present… their end of year awards
BRAVEST POLITICIAN
It has to be Bertie Ahern… for being brazen enough to step back into the spotlight!
I say Nigel Farage… for taking on those terrifying trials in the jungle! (Farage gets the award)
BEST PERFORMANCE IN A SOAP OPERA…
Well, that lady in EastEnders played a blinder, so…
Nah! It has to be Ryan Tubridy in those Oireachtas hearings, at the height of the RTEgate soap opera!
WORST PERFORMANCE IN A SOAP OPERA…
Deputy Peter Fitzpatrick in said Oireachtas hearings…comedy gold!
MOST PREDICTABLE EXIT
Stephen Kenny, as Irish manager
LEAST PREDICTABLE EXIT
Ryan Tubridy, as RTE golden boy
JENNIFER ZAMPARELLI VISIBILITY AWARD
To someone who’s suddenly on our TV screens as often as Ms Zamparelli?
Yes! Has to be Baz?
Nah! The award goes to Angela Scanlon!
TOP NAME-DROPPER
Both: That Joe Brolly! Licking up to President Biden in Ballina!
FASTEST MOVER
That Rhasidat Adeleke is amazing…
It’s a novelty award… and it goes to Marty Morrissey, for returning that car to Renault with admirable haste…
Oh stop it!
TOP CORONATION
Obviously King Charles…
No! Patrick Kielty!
BEST COMEDY DOUBLE ACT
They’re on TV at least once a week. Rural superstars! The 2…
NO! PLEASE, NO! Not the 2…
… as I was saying, the 2 that spring to mind are the Healy-Raes…
Phew!
MOST MEDIA-SHY
Eh, Piers Morgan?
Hardly!
Deirdre O’Kane? Brolly? Brian Kennedy? We can have fun with this one!
The award goes to… Francis Brennan!
GAA PLAYER OF YEAR
A ‘home’ call here… Enda Smith!
Come on the Rossies!
COLUMNISTS OF THE YEAR
No contest! “We’d like to thank our families, the pub bore, ourselves…”
AND THE EDITOR!
LEAST EFFECTIVE COLUMNIST AWARD
Just thought I’d add in this final, er, random one…
Great idea!
Both: It has to be Joe Br…
Barman: Boyos! This has gone on too long! Ye’ve left a trail of torn beer mats! Off with ye!
(Boyos read over notes before submitting. They’re ecstatic. Boyo 1: ‘Do you think these inaugural awards will be enough to convince the Editor to keep us on?’ Boyo 2: ‘Keep us on? This is the end of the Joe Brolly takeover threat! We’re back in control! As Del Boy used to say, this time next year we’ll be millionaires!’ They finish their drinks and trudge home, stopping to admire various window displays, while singing ‘Fairytale of New York…’… they haven’t been this optimistic or happy since Roscommon beat Mayo in Castlebar)
Happy Christmas to everyone who even occasionally reads the Barstool Boyos (and to the Editor!)
