‘Thumbs down…you never replied to my text!’
You MUST have heard of it!
I’m telling you, I haven’t!
Text etiquette! EVERYBODY’S HEARD OF IT!
You’re just being silly…
No, I’m being right!
It’s not a big deal…
I agree…but still! Fact is, I texted you at 9 o’clock the other night…and you didn’t reply!
I’m a busy man!
Nobody’s that busy now…well, bar frontline workers…and Claire Byrne!
I was…eh…watching something very important on TV, I wasn’t checking my phone.
What was so important? Covid? Trump?
Eh…Manchester United v Burnley.
Huh! At least I was watching THE NEWS!
Mmmn…
That bright-haired boyo is all over the place…you never know what he will do next!
Trump?
NO! Pogba, the French chap with Manchester United. Half the time he’s rubbish, then he scores a great goal and plays well…
I thought you were watching THE NEWS?
Well, I may have switched over to the Manchester United match once or twice…anyways, my point is, you never responded to my text!
IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL!
It kind of is! You need to learn about text etiquette. Look, I texted you, and you never replied. It leaves me wondering what’s up…
WhattsApp, you mean…
No, WHAT’S UP! First thing I’m wondering is…have I said something wrong…
Mmnn…
Like LAST week, we had a right conversation going on, by text, and you deviated from the etiquette then too!
Are you serious?
Yes! I texted you five times, you texted me back four times…it leaves me wondering if I’ve said something wrong!
A text conversation has to end at some point!
(They pause to check if they’ve received any texts)
Plus…
Go on…
The OTHER week, you cracked a joke – by text – and I sent back two smiley faces. Then I made a witty response a minute or two later, and you only sent me one smiley face!
AND?
Well, how do you think that makes me feel?
I DUNNO! But it makes me smile!
AND…
AND? THERE’S MORE?
Well, I don’t like raising it…
Really…
Well, it’s just the issue with the ‘Thumbs up’ emoji…
WHAT ISSUE???
Well, you’ve exceeded the limit…
WHAT LIMIT?
You must know the etiquette! Look, I sent you a few texts over the past week, and frankly, you sent me back five or six ‘Thumbs up’ emojis…it’s a bit much!
They mean I agree with you!
Yeah, but we all know…they’re a bit of a cop out! Not very, I dunno…personal!
ANYTHING ELSE?
Well, one of two of the videos you’ve been sending during lockdown…
YES?
…are a bit silly!
They’re meant to be silly! Anyways, this conversation is far too silly…how are you getting on during this lockdown?
Oh I’m fine…
Not moody or anything?
No, why do you ask?
NO REASON!
(They pause to let the slight tension ease)
