Roving Brussels sprouts, elusive antigen tests…and a Happy New Year to all!
What a Christmas!
Huh?
Eh…what a Christmas!
Elaborate…PLEASE!
Well…it was STRANGE!
That, my friend, I can agree with!
For starters, I was in a long queue for ages…on Christmas Eve!
For drinks? Food? Presents? Crackers? Don’t tell me you didn’t get crackers!
NO! For antigen test kits! It was a nightmare!
Go on…
I was in this local shop, minding my own business…
Yeah…
I’d been up and down the aisles three or four times…
Yeah…
Next thing, I saw them…THE LAST TWO ANTIGEN TEST KITS! Right beside the checkout!
Brilliant! So you got them?
Well…
Huh?
There was a guy behind me in the queue…I’m four feet from the checkout, my eyes are trained on the antigen test kits, then all of a sudden, two brussels sprouts roll past me.
Huh?
They had ‘fallen’ from his basket…and just happened to roll in front of me, in the direction of the checkout.
You sound sceptical?
Yeah, ‘cos I’m pretty sure that he released the sprouts on purpose!
Huh?
So, then…he skips past me, mutters an apology, stoops to recover the sprouts…and casually takes the two antigen test kits!
The cheek! Did you challenge him?
Yeah, I said ‘They’re mine!’
What did he say?
He said ‘No, they’re my sprouts!’
(They pause to compare the prices being charged for antigen test kits)
I just love it! The drama! The theatre! The combat!
Huh?
You know, when those men strut their stuff, in full public view, pouting, smiling, sneering…nerveless, clinical, calculating figures with astonishing speed, thinking on their feet, then ruthlessly taking out the opposition!
Yes! And it’s not all guys, there’s a female superstar now too!
Yeah, she’s pretty lethal too! But the Ice Man is my favourite!
Oh, Leo? Well, three cheers for Micheál, Leo and…er Eamon…and Mary Lou! Those ‘performances’ in the Dáil, on the plinth, in the TV studios, they’re great entertainment!
The politicians? Nah! I’m talking about the World Darts!
(They pause to, yet again, double-check what day of the week it is)
What’s the plan for 2022?
I want a stress-free year!
We ALL want a stress-free year!
I want to see an end to Covid-19!
So say all of us!
I can’t cope with the new language of our times…contact tracing, self-isolation, remote working, antigen tests, the R number, new normal, asymptomatic…
I know, I know…but I think 2022 will be so much better than the past two years.
Agreed! I think this will end soon!
Hopefully! By the way…
Yeah?
You forgot ‘Covidiot!’
Excuse me!
(They pause to check if the 2 Johnnies and Mrs Brown’s Boys are NOT on telly tonight)
So…any big hopes for 2022?
Oh sure! The usual main one!
Which is?
My hope is to convince a shop assistant to sell me an item of flat back furniture which is on display in the store!
IS THAT IT?
Well, that and good health and happiness for everyone, world peace, action on climate change…and a great championship for Roscommon!
SAME HERE! I MEAN…SAM HERE!
Both: And maybe a pint AT THE COUNTER in our local! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
