SO! It’s been approximately 9,744 hours since…
9,744 hours – approximately!
What?
It’s been about 9,744 hours…and counting!
What are you talking about?
Have a guess…we’ve all day!
Eh…help me…
This is the sentence you have to finish: It’s been 9,744 hours since…
The Irish soccer team won a game?
Oh don’t be cruel!
Since the Coalition was formed?
They’re not together that long, there’s no guarantee they’ll reach 10,000 hours!
Well, I know how trivial and silly you are, so it’s probably something trivial and silly!
I’m offended!
Good!
So…what am I referring to?
I dunno! Is it the amount of hours that have passed since TikTok took over the world?
Eh…what’s TikTok?
(They pause to watch a safety battle on the blue in the World Snooker Championship)
So?
That’s it, isn’t it?
What?
Is it 9,744 hours since people began the annoying habit of beginning sentences with the word ‘so’?
NO!
Is it the amount of hours that have passed since Micheál Martin and Marc MacSharry had a friendly exchange?
Dunno, I’m not keeping count!
Is it the amount of hours that have passed since the fateful decision…
What fateful decision?
In RTE…to line up Marty and Bernard as an entertainment dream team! Is that it? Is that the milestone? Is there a protest march?
NO!
So, what happened 9,744 hours ago?
Well…
Yes?
That’s the last time you and I had a pint together in our local. Approximately 9,744 hours ago!
Oh dear…that’s kind of…
Sad?
Yeah, and moving.
Yep!
(They pause to reflect on the simple pleasure of popping into their local whenever they want)
Our lives were simpler then.
Such happy times!
We probably stayed a bit too long some evenings…
It was harmless. We were sensible. We were responsible. We were merely carrying on a great Irish tradition…
Like our fathers before us…
Indeed! And their fathers…
And their fathers…
Okay, we’ve made that point.
Thing is, it was a social event, positive in so many ways…
Good for our mental health…
I think so. As long as we didn’t overdo it, which we didn’t. ‘Everything in moderation’ was our unwritten rule…
Except after a really big Roscommon win…
True!
(They pause to think fondly of walking into their local after a Connacht final win in the Hyde, the place wedged, standing room only, even the quietest of men hollering and cheering, highlights of the game on the TV, life good….)
Hopefully we’ll be back soon.
Huh?
In the pub.
Oh please God.
We’ve been very understanding…I mean, this has been hard for us…we’re the Barstool Boyos!
Yeah, Barstool Boyos without barstools, it’s like Liz Taylor without Richard Burton…
Morecambe without Wise…
Lennon without McCartney…
Giles without Dunphy…
I can’t wait for us to get back, even if we have to wear masks, even if we can’t sit at the counter…
Even if the pub bore joins us?
Yes, even that! In fact, if he does, I’ll be so happy I’ll make a video of our return to the bar…for TikTok!
Brilliant! Love it! Eh…what’s TikTok?
