Ready for Super Tuesday?
Huh?
SUPER TUESDAY!
Look, I know we’re keen on the US Presidential election race, but Super Tuesday is long over!
Nah! I mean next Tuesday, in our area at least… the kids go back to school!
Huh!
Anyways, did you have a nice weekend? As you know, we were away…
Yeah, great! Went to Roscommon Show!
Excellent! How was it?
Excellent!
Excellent!
(They pause to check their phones for the latest betting odds in the Roscommon Club Championships)
Any highlights?
Huh?
At Roscommon Show?
Oh, well every time the Pub Bore turned his attention to someone other than me, that was a highlight!
He was there?
Yes! In full regalia too!
Wow!
Wow what?
Regalia, that’s not a word I’ve heard for some time! Isn’t it associated with royals?
Yeah, well the Pub Bore thinks he’s royalty!
How was he?
How was he? He was BORING!
(They pause to step in under a tree as their morning walk is interrupted by yet another summer downpour…)
So?
Needless to say, he was an expert on everything!
The animal classes?
Yeah, and the arts and crafts, and the carrots, the heads of cabbage, the rhubarb!
He’s some head of cabbage!
But mostly the animals…
Was he claiming to be an expert on each category?
Yeah, but he was also coming up with random stuff…
AN EXAMPLE, PLEASE…
Well, he reckons that giraffes only sleep for five minutes at a time.
Are you serious?
HE was serious! He says giraffes only sleep for about half an hour a day, and usually in five-minute spells!
Why was the pub bore going on about giraffes? It’s not like there’s a category for them at the Roscommon Show!
Well, he was finished talking about the fact that cows cannot walk down a stairs! Maybe ‘cos he was going on about heights he decided to move on to giraffes!
Huh! The neck of him!
He also reckons bats have thumbs…
Okay, thumbs-up to bats then!
Yeah, but not if they’re sleeping… ‘cos then they’re lying down, so their thumbs would be…
(Editor: I can’t, I just can’t…)
True…
And he reckons that octopuses have three hearts!
I think he’s right about octopuses! And of course they have eight six limbs! How did you put up with him?
With humour! When he said an octopus has three hearts, I said that’s handy from a romantic point of view…
Huh?
Well, if one of their hearts is broken, they still have two that remain ‘available’ for romance!
Childish!
Yeah, but it got rid of the Pub Bore!
