THURSDAY
You know how we’ve been talking about launching a new political party, with me as the candidate and you as my general dogsbod… sorry, Director of Elections…
Yes…
Well, we’re going to catch the political establishment on the hop! Most of the politicians in the country are on holidays (Editor’s note: ‘Local TDs, senators and councillors, there is no need to write in, we know, we know…’). So, I suggest we go amongst the people, when our future opponents have their eye off the ball, and we start an information gathering exercise!
Well…
My friend, the ego has landed! I’m going for it! It’s time you and I answer our nation’s call, instead of wasting time! Time to live in the real world!
Can you give me five minutes, I just want to see how EastEnders finishes…
THURSDAY NIGHT
After EastEnders, the boyos head to Ballaghaderreen Arts Festival, mingling with Rossies, while also being very nice to Mayo people, for fear there might be a constituency change soon. The boyos discreetly sound out locals to see if they’d welcome a new party. They receive some support (but mostly strange looks)
FRIDAY
They arrive at the Galway Races. Boyo 1 approaches wealthy looking farmer-type in betting ring
Excuse me Sir… my friend and I are thinking of starting a new, rural-based political party. I will be the first candidate obviously…
Boyo 2 (whispering): Be clever… diplomatic… don’t rush in!
Boyo 1: I couldn’t help but notice you placing €500 bets over the past while, and was wondering if an initial donation of €5000 would…
(Boyo 2 frantically drags his friend away, as the confused farmer lays another huge bet)
What are you doing? You can’t just walk up to strangers and demand cash!
Sorry, I lost the run of myself!
Look into their eyes, shake their hands firmly, smile, listen intently… DON’T ASK FOR DONATIONS… yet!
Sorry, got it!
FRIDAY NIGHT
The boyos are in a pub in Galway. Outside, burgers are being served in a marquee. Boyo 1 goes to order two. Ten minutes later he returns, ecstatically happy
Why are you so happy?
You won’t believe what happened! I went into the marquee for the burgers… and met the wealthy farmer from the betting ring earlier! He remembered me! He says he loves our idea, takes out his wallet, and counts out €5k! Then he very kindly takes an envelope from his jacket pocket, I think it was brown (the envelope), and places the donation in it! Then wishes us well!
Let me get this straight! You want to set up a political party, and you’ve just accepted 5,000 euro in cash in a brown envelope… in a TENT during Galway Race Week?!!!
Er… sorry!
